Hundreds of candles lit the hall, reflecting off china and crystal and illuminating warmly. Long tables surrounded a wide dance floor, and a small quartet rested on a dias tucked away in a corner. The sounds of conversation and laughter mingled widely, as the crew of Voyager celebrated with the dinner their pooled replicator rations had provided. It was incredibly elaborate and remarkably delicious, and touched Janeway as so many things had that day. She sat at a raised table with her senior officers, and in the carved chair next to her sat the "knight of the night".
Chakotay.
She smiled remembering the hour long duel he and Tuvok had fought, recalling how each had nearly lost several times before Chakotay finally pinned the tall Vulcan to the ground and he had conceded the victory. She remembered how the two had shaken hands gravely, and how Tuvok had walked her first officer over to her box and bowed as he took the seat next to her. The crew had leapt to their feet, B'Elanna, Tom and Harry leading the delighted cheer.
And she had fully realized the meaning of the day, of the small gestures they had made, of the cryptic comments B'Elanna had been making.
They were giving their own blessing, in a way. Even Tuvok. Telling her it was okay to move on, okay to alter the structure of the life they had all been living. Telling her that her happiness mattered too. Telling her that they approved of the man she had only just realized she had chosen nearly two years before.
So there they sat at dinner, unable to make conversation, as their crew sat around them and made up for it with their uproarious laughter and their mutual friendly teasing. Toast after toast was proposed, each more outrageous than the last, until finally dinner was over and it was time for the dancing to begin. Paris rose to his feet, glass in hand, and waited until the crowd quieted.
"Computer, open a ship-wide channel," he said. "On behalf of the senior officers, I would like to thank the crew for their contributions to the ration fund and their assistance in planning this day." Applause rang through the hall, and then died down as he raised a hand to silence them again. He cleared his throat self-consciously, glancing at Janeway, and then back at the crew as B'Elanna squeezed his arm in support. "Four years ago, I can't imagine that any of us wanted to be here. Hell, I sure didn't, despite what was waiting for me back in the Alpha Quadrant. But now--somewhere along the road I realized that I had stopped thinking of the Alpha Quadrant as home, because Voyager had become my home. And you had become my family. It wasn't easy to make that journey, and I never could have made it without Captain Janeway and her belief in me, in all of us. This party is the only way we could think of to show her how much we appreciate all she has done for us. I wish her a long and happy life, here on the home she helped us build, or anywhere our journeys may take us."
Janeway listened, first with a smile, and then with damp eyes and trembling mouth as Paris yielded the floor to crewmember after crewmember and each department made her a personal tribute. She had come to the Delta Quadrant chasing fugitives from the Federation, and she had found a home, and a family. Somewhere along the road, as Tom had said, it had become increasingly less important to return "home". Yes, she still wanted to see Earth again, and she wanted to reunite her crew with their families. But against the odds, they had created something here on this starship that she hadn't thought possible, and she knew that if they never made it home they could still be happy. They would be happy. They *were* happy. She had never imagined they would use such an elaborate way to show her, but they had.
Finally, Chakotay stood beside her, gesturing to the crew so they all rose to their feet. He smiled down at her, and then out at the assembly, as he raised his right hand and laid it over his heart. She watched as each crewperson did the same, and when she realized what they were about to do, she stood up and lifted her own hand in the air.
"Captain, please--the crew wants to do this."
Janeway laughed a little, looking up at him--he was so much taller when she wasn't wearing Starfleet issue boots. "I don't know if I could take an oath of fealty right now, Chakotay, if that's what you have planned; why don't you let me combine it with my own words instead? Trust me."
"You know I do."
She nodded, regarding him gravely in return, and then turned to face the group. "I know what you are trying to do, and I appreciate it. More than I can tell you. Four years ago I made a decision that profoundly affected all of our lives, yet you have followed me all this way and worked beside me. Yes, as Captain of this ship, it was my choice to make--ultimately. And yes, I chose a path that has not been easy, or short, with no sign of ending anytime soon. We have done what some people would call the impossible during our time in the Delta Quadrant. We have merged two crews--Starfleet and Maquis--into a unified, cohesive whole. We have skirted death, many times. We have risked losing the ship, risked being stranded here forever. And we have encountered beings and places that no one has ever seen before, charted and recorded the experiences though we may never be able to deliver the logs to the Federation.
"I know that this is the first time I have ever said 'never' to you. Perhaps it took me a little while longer to realize what you have already accepted. We may never see the Alpha Quadrant again in our lifetimes. Do I hope to? Absolutely. Am I determined to never stop trying? Yes. But I have come to understand, through your actions and words, that the promise I made to you has already been fulfilled: I promised to get you home. And I have--we have. Together.
"So I stand here before you: Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. Our mission remains unchanged. We are still the only Federation ship 'assigned' to the Delta Quadrant. We will continue to uphold the principles of Starfleet and the Prime Directive, and we will continue to explore and map and chart our way back to Earth. And if we don't reach it, I only hope that someday our children do. But I'm not giving up--there are people back there who want us back, and I have faith that we will see them again. On this day, my birthday, which you have honored in a way I could never have imagined, I pledge to you that I will continue to do everything I can to uphold the quality of life onboard this ship and to get this crew...home."
She lowered her hand to her breast, returning the salute they were all giving her, and they stood in the ensuing silence for a long moment before Neelix shouted, "Strike up the music!"
The crew dispersed, the moment broken, and she quietly closed the channel. She knew Chakotay still stood beside her, but she couldn't turn and look at him. Not yet. The emotions that the day was dragging up from within her were too close to the surface, too raw, too evident in her eyes. She busied herself with straightening her dress--her beautiful dress that she was sure he had chosen--and heard him speaking to Tom, to B'Elanna, to Harry. Then, she heard him fall silent, and she knew he was waiting. Slowly, carefully, she turned to him, her expression unreadable.
Chakotay ran through several sentences in his mind at once, unsure of what to say or how to say it. Over the past few months, several crew members had come to him on personal business: they wanted to be married, or to start a family, or to rearrange their quarters. They wanted to know if the policies on crew relationships were going to change since they were still so far from Starfleet. They wanted to show the captain that they were ready and willing to accept changes in the structure of things, but they didn't know how to approach it. Would the Commander help?
The Commander would. Of course, he had his own selfish reasons for wanting the policies changed; he hoped that Janeway would at least reopen the discussions they had begun on New Earth. He thought that if she saw the whole crew stood behind them, that she might be open to relaxing her own rigid standards of protocol to let him into her life. They had grown very close over the years, sharing meals and laughter and confidences, and even though they had been troubled for a long time after their encounter with the Borg that brought them Seven of Nine, he felt that they were passing that every day. There was still a wall between them, but it had lowered, and he thought she might have stepped over it when she tied the ribbon on his boot.
He smiled to himself, reliving that moment in his mind. He had been afraid she would balk at the crew's choice of him as "Champion", and that she would be angry at what they had done. But in the end it had been subtle enough to allow her to set the tone, and she had--in every way he had hoped. Where they went from here, though, was still up to her.
"What are you smiling at, Commander? Or should I say, Sir Chakotay?"
He grinned down at her upturned face. "OK, it was a little contrived--the whole tournament thing--but remember, it was Harry's idea. You don't want to crush him forever by telling him you didn't like it."
Janeway moved a little, laid a hand on his arm. "I loved it, Chakotay. Every minute of it." She looked out over the mass of dancers. "You were right, I don't like a fuss made over my birthday--but how can I not be touched by such a display? If you were trying to make a point to me, you certainly succeeded."
"That was not the original intent, Kathryn," he replied quietly, "but I'm glad it was the result."
His gaze became too direct, too intimate to hold, and she looked away toward the dance floor where her crew was performing a set of intricate figures...*and doing them very well,* she thought. "How did the crew learn to dance like this?"
"Programs have been available in the holodeck, thanks to Paris, for a month. This was the best-kept secret in the quadrant, ma'am," he laughed. "Even Neelix kept his mouth shut for once, although I'll admit we did think about having the doctor sedate him for the duration of the wait. He almost slipped a few times. For that matter, we all did."
Janeway pondered his words for a minute, and then snapped her fingers, nodding. "So that's what all that talk of swords was that day in the mess hall, when you were arguing with Paris and wouldn't tell me why. And why all the men on the bridge crew looked a little stiff a few weeks ago."
"Guilty as charged. It's been awhile since anyone thought to ride horseback." He, too, turned and looked at the dancers, and then back to her. "Care to dance with your Champion, my liege?" His tone was light, but the look in his eyes was what she once would have called dangerous. Now it was just--disturbing. Good disturbing. Stomach flipping, hands sweating, heart pounding disturbing.
It was, after all, her birthday. Protocol could not be damned--but it could be...stretched. Just a little. Enough to dance with Chakotay.
She held out her hand to him, and he grabbed it quickly, as if afraid she would change her mind. She laughed at him gently so he would know she wasn't mocking his feelings, and his answering smile could have lit the holodeck on its own. He led her out to the edge of the dancers, letting her watch for a few minutes first, and explaining a little of the movement to her. After a little while, she felt as ready as she would ever be, and when the music paused for a new set of figures, they took a place at the corner of the floor and began to dance.
She had always been good at dancing--years of ballet classes had insured that--but she had no idea that Chakotay would be so graceful. He leapt and spun with the best of them, and she knew he must have practiced carefully in anticipation of this moment. She was handed off from partner to partner throughout the song, and was astonished and pleased to see that the men seemed delighted to dance with their captain and took hold of her hand without hesitation. Every time she returned to Chakotay within the figures his eyes darkened a little, and she could feel his gaze on her when she was away.
The final steps of the dance were several lilting, intricate sets with your original partner, and Janeway put her hand in Chakotay's as the began the series. His body moved as one with hers though there was little actual contact, and she thought she had never been a part of anything so intimate in her entire life with her hand in his, his arm at her waist, his eyes piercing into her, his breath on her cheek. There seemed to be an electric current running between them and when the music stopped and they were standing, facing each other, clasped hands upraised, they were both breathing hard. Laughing, they broke into applause with the rest of the group as the musicians struck up a less structured tune and the dancing became a little less formal. Janeway watched B'Elanna move into Tom's arms, albeit a little reluctantly, and smiled maternally over at Harry who was patiently trying to show Seven where to put her feet. A lot of the crew still regarded the former Borg with distrust, especially after the incident with the stolen shuttlecraft, but the unequivocable backing of the entire senior staff was turning the tide slowly but surely.
"Kathryn?"
Janeway's attention snapped back to her first officer, and to their still-clasped hands. Gently, with a small squeeze to take away any possible misunderstanding, she released his hand. "I think that's all the dancing for now, Commander," she said quietly. "I thought maybe we would...leave them to it."
"Captain?"
Janeway turned away again, taking a step to the side to avoid two ensigns from Engineering who were stumbling over each other's feet and giggling. *What do you do now, Kathryn?* she demanded of herself furiously. She knew what she wanted, yes. She knew it was acceptable to the crew now. She knew--or thought she knew--how he felt. But there had been troubles between them recently, and she needed to make sure they were settled and behind them before they made any further decisions.
"I'd like to take a walk, Commander. Would you join me?"
Silently, he nodded.
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The corridors of the ship were nearly deserted. Every once in awhile they would see a running crew member--no doubt either on their way to the party or going to relieve someone else for duty--who would slow down, greet them, and then take off again as soon as they thought they were far enough away. They made a brief visit to the Bridge and extracted a promise from Tuvok that he would take Paris up on his offer of relief and at least go eat dinner. Janeway then contacted Paris on the holodeck and told him to return to the Bridge as soon as possible, and insist that the Vulcan leave for a little while.
"I was about to do that anyway, Captain," the pilot said, the noise in the background almost deafening. "Tuvok had more to do with today than you might imagine. Paris out."
Janeway raised an eyebrow at Chakotay, and he shrugged. "Tuvok had a hand in some of the day's happenings, Captain."
"Hmm." she replied noncommittally, walking on. They strolled slowly from deck to deck, sometimes talking--about ship's business, about the day, about past celebrations they had been a part of--sometimes just walking, listening to the faint hum of Voyager's computer systems. It was a strange feeling, being a part of so much advanced technology yet wearing clothes from centuries past. Janeway had a large section of her dress caught up in one hand, and had to fight back the urge several times to grasp one of his with the other. It had been an oddly beautiful day, but she was still the captain.
Finally she told a turbolift to take them to the officers' quarters, and found herself standing between the doors to his and hers. "Would you like a cup of coffee, Chakotay?"
"Not this late at night--but I'll sit with you while you do, if you like. Well, just as soon as I go inside and change into something a little more...recent."
She nodded. "Just come in when you're ready."
They both turned and entered their quarters without a further look.
Janeway activated her privacy lock, knowing he had the code to override it, and went into her bedroom. She struggled a little with the fastenings on her dress as she had when she had put it on earlier, but eventually was able to drop it to the floor. Carefully she picked it up and shook it out, caressing the fabric gently before hanging it in the closet. *What do I wear?* she thought? Not a uniform. Too...captain. She selected and discarded several outfits in the space of a few seconds, and finally pulled out a simple long sleeved tunic and loose pants, both in dark blue, and slid her feet into slippers. She was just deliberating over her hair when she heard the door slide open.
"I'll be out in a second," she called, taking the rest of the ribbons out and dragging a brush through the curled masses. It framed her face in waves, and she thought about tying it back, but ended up leaving it alone. When she walked out into the living area, Chakotay was talking to someone via communicator.
"...fine, B'Ela. And thanks again...for everything. Good night." He stood there for a second, smiling, and then realized she had entered the room. "Hello, Kathryn."
"Checking up on the party?" she said, moving to the replicator. He had changed into comfortable brown pants and a tan shirt, tucked in, collar open, sleeves rolled up casually. His feet, she saw with some amusement, were bare.
"Just giving B'Elanna some guidelines, but apparently it's winding down. She said everyone is getting tired, and it's almost time for another shift change. Everything will be back to normal by 0700."
"It was a wonderful day," she said, taking her coffee and moving to the couch. He joined her, settling a few feet away as she curled her feet underneath her. "I've never seen such a display; certainly not for me."
"Well, I thought--the crew thought--that you deserved it. But Harry and Tom really deserve the credit, and they'll be hard pressed to top it next year. If we're still out here, that is," he added hastily.
Janeway laid a hand on his arm briefly. "It's okay. I meant everything I said tonight."
"I know."
They sat there in silence for a long while, she sipping her coffee, he staring out the viewport at the planet they were orbiting. It was a companionable silence, yet tension still stretched between them. They both felt it. It had been many months since the last time they had been alone in her quarters like this, many months since a series of emotional disagreements had driven a wedge in the friendship and trust they had created together. It had been a long climb back for them. Janeway had missed Chakotay. Chakotay had missed Janeway. And the crew had missed their harmonious working relationship.
"Tell me about the choice of the Champion," Janeway said finally, her voice light but her tone serious.
Chakotay couldn't pretend he didn't know what she was asking, and he knew that she deserved the truth no matter what effect it would have or what her reaction would be. "It was Tuvok's suggestion, his contribution to the day."
"What?"
"Paris was researching the traditional events of a tournament, adapting them to what we thought would be appropriate, looking for some special way to honor you on your birthday. Tuvok sat in on a few of the planning meetings and never said a word, but one day he came in and said he had found an entry in the history logs of Earth telling of a 'Ruler's Champion'. This person would be chosen by the court to represent the throne in a fight against the best warrior the land could offer up. It was symbolic, showing that the king or queen could always overcome adversity, always win the war, so to speak. Sometimes it was a mock fight, and sometimes not. We decided it would be true combat, and a poll was taken shipwide. It was sent out under the guide of one of my personnel briefings--you received a different report than everyone else."
"Very sneaky, Chakotay," she smiled.
"I was...surprised...first by Tuvok's suggestion, which appeared to carry a...deeper meaning...and then when the crew chose me, almost unanimously. Surprised, that is, until a few people shared with me the thoughts and discussions that have been circulating the ship." He told her of the conversations he had been having with the crew, about starting families, moving on, altering structures. "I told them that this would always be a Starfleet ship, with Starfleet policies and procedures...but maybe we could think about making a few changes, a few adaptations, since so much about our situation is so new and unique. Starfleet couldn't possibly have planned for times like these. They all agreed to go along with whatever was decided. And a few of them told me that--" He stopped for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck, his brow wrinkling up a little. "They told me that they hoped we knew that they would still obey us, still respect us--the senior crew--if any changes took place in our relationships. They would still trust us to make the right decisions, and to be unbiased during emergencies."
Chakotay leaned forward a little, his hands clasped together and resting on his knees. "After I thought about it for a long time, I wasn't surprised anymore, because I can't blame them for thinking of me as your 'champion', Kathryn. I have made no secret of my respect for your seniority. And I can hardly fault them for such a magnaminous, open blessing of the relationship I have always hoped we would share." *There. You've said it.*
Janeway drew in her breath at the last statement. "It hasn't been a very good few months for us, has it?"
He shook his head. "No."
"I'm sorry seems insufficient, but I confess I don't know what to say to you now."
Her first officer grunted a little, and his shoulders jerked in a sort of half-shrug. "I am not sure either, to tell you the truth. But I don't think we need to apologize--I think we've put each other through enough already. I think we both realize that substantial blame lies on both sides; that we both made some bad choices." He sighed, meeting her eyes evenly. "I don't have an explanation for my behavior any more than you, I suspect, have for yours. I've certainly learned from it, though, as I have from so many other things since we've been out here."
He stood abruptly, walking to the viewport and looking out. "We certainly do a lot of talking, Kathryn, but we never seem to get anywhere, do we?"
"What do you mean?" she said to his back.
"I mean here we are, as we've been many, many times before, talking in circles, skirting issues. I've become more wordy in my association with you than I've ever been." He sighed, and she could see his smile quirk in the reflection. "I tell you stories, you make ambiguous statements...but we're still standing here, at square one."
Janeway sat quietly for a moment, pondering his words. Weighing options. Balancing duties. *Just like he expects you to. Like you've always done,* she chided herself. She made a decision. Took a step. A small one, first, to see how it felt. "Where would you like to be standing, Chakotay?"
Slowly he turned, his eyes warm, tender. Something sparked within them. Seductive. Stunning. He walked towards her slowly, drew her up from the couch, led her to the middle of the floor, and slowly raised their clasped hands in a mimic of the final pose of the dance they had lived together. Was that sound her heart beat, or his? Why was it suddenly so warm, why was her skin so alive? No, she did not feel like humming, damn it! Her lips curved against her will, her eyelashes were heavy on her cheeks, her body moved towards him of its own accord.
"This is where I want to be standing, Kathryn."
How could such a simple statement hold so much promise, so much emotion? When had his voice taken on those husky tones, when had he started to smell so wonderful?
"Chakotay, I--"
She stopped, the words dying on her lips as his gaze slid over her face once, twice.
"Yes, Kathryn?"
Her sharp yank on his wrist brought their bodies crashing together. His arms closed around her like steel, and her hands were crushed between them. He laughed down at her, his soul soaring. "That's taking control of the situation, Captain."
Janeway dissolved into giggles, as the part of her that commanded Voyager stepped back and looked on in disapproval. *Giggling, Kathryn?* she reprimanded. *And look where you're standing.* These thoughts only spurred her merriment, as she stood in her first officer's arms and they held each other up. "Oh, Chakotay, this is so far from normal."
He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Captain, may I remind you that we are nearly seventy years from the Alpha Quadrant. I am a former Maquis rebel and you are the officer commanded to bring me into custody. We are serving together on a Starfleet ship with Starfleet nowhere to be seen. Very little about this situation is normal--or logical." His deadpan imitation of Tuvok sent her off again, and she managed to loosen one of her hands enough to wipe at her eyes.
Her other hand was warm against his chest, despite the cloth that separated flesh from flesh, and the laughter falling from her lips warmed his heart. There seemed to be only one course of action left to take.
He kissed her.
There was a moment of shock at the first touch of his lips to hers, but it took only seconds for the hunger she had been suppressing for over two years to surface. To make the final decision. When he slipped their clothing to the floor several minutes later, her only response was to wind her arms around him and let the waves carry both of them away.
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Epilogue
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