When Chris Rock mentioned all the black nominees, did they have to then show every single black person in the audience on camera? I hate the people who run the Oscar cameras.

Kate Winslet looks so beautiful in blue. Halle Berry looks beautiful but please have a cookie.

Okay, Chris Rock's monologue is great. The stuff about Bush is hilarious. "Imagine you work at the Gap and you close out your register and it's 70 trillion dollars short."

WTF with having all the nominees on stage? WTF??? This is the dumbest idea in the history of the universe.

Renee Zellweger should never have dark hair. It looks terrible. Her dress looks like it belongs on Mrs. Santa Claus, except it would only fit on Mrs. Santa's arm or something. Talk about needing a cookie. Or maybe a dozen.

Closer looks cheery. I wonder why I haven't run out to see that?

I can't believe Morgan Freeman has never won an Oscar before. This brilliant man has been nominated four times and this is the first time he's ever won?

Robin Williams is very funny but I bet the song he wanted to sing would have been funnier. James Dobson is such a smacked ass.

If Shrek 2 beats The Incredibles it will be a travesty. Is it a travesty? It is not a travesty. Yay! Such a great movie. I can't wait until it comes out on video. March 15th baby! Yay Pixar people! Yay escaping Disney!

Having Cate Blanchett in the aisle? Again with the stupid. Are they really going to present an award in the seats? How incredibly stupid is this? Why not cut the stupid montages? They all suck except the one with the people who have passed away. That one that started the show? Sucked. Sucked! Totally blew. Oh my God. A microphone came out and they made a speech in the aisles. Stupid. Totally stupid!

Having Edna from The Incredibles help with the costume award actually makes the award interesting. Not enough to watch the whole thing, but still interesting. Oh TiVo, how I love you. Fast forwarding...

Chris Rock's comment about Tim Robbins boring people with his politics was great, and apparently Tim Robbins thought so too since he was laughing as he entered.

Cate Blanchett was a pretty safe choice for Supporting Actress. I thought The Aviator was okay. It was overlong and I don't love Leonardo DiCaprio in most things. Cate was good but I thought the first twenty or so minutes of her performance was more caricature than anything. She settled into it later and calmed it down, but at first I felt like she was almost making fun of Hepburn. I don't know who I would have picked - the only other nominated performance I saw was Virginia Madsen's, and I thought she was good but not Oscar good - but I think Cate was a safe choice.

We have run out of Oscars to fast forward. Now we are pausing so we do not have to watch every single freaking second.

Chris Rock's monologue was good but otherwise this broadcast is a big fat snooze.

I wish Annette Bening would beat Hilary Swank this time. I love Annette Bening. It will suck if she loses to Hilary again. It would also be nice if four times nominated Kate Winslet won, even though I didn't like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Sigh. Hilary Swank. Boring. Boring hair, boring makeup, boring dress. boring speech.

Okay, and boring awards. Boring sweep. Boring.

Oscar blogging!

Pre-show thoughts first:

Emmy Rossum. She is so freaking beautiful. Ralph Lauren is dressing her for everything and this red dress she has on is exquisite. Her hair is also beautiful and so is the jewelry. Beyonce looks amazing as well - vintage Versace. Fantastic.

Why does Giselle Bundchen or whatever her name is look so pregnant? The dress is awful. And Adam Duritz. Why? Why?

Melissa Rivers is so annoying. SO. ANNOYING. More annoying than her mother. If she doesn't stop drawing on the stupid screen I'm going to smack her. I loathe these two but it's the only way to see all the dresses. Maybe I should mute it. Joan is talking to the team from The Incredibles and being an idiot at usual. I loved that movie so much.

What the hell is Melanie Griffith wearing? She's getting older and the dress makes everything look saggy. Those sleeves are terrible. They look like they're falling off. At least it looks like the collagen in her lips has gone down. The last time I saw a picture of her it looks like a hive of bees had landed on her lips.

I love the white streak in Imelda Staunton's hair. In a fantasy series I love (The Belgariad by David Eddings) a character with a white streak in her hair is a sorceress, so every time I see someone with one I wonder if she's a sorceress. (I also wonder if closets lead to Narnia, so go figure.)

Leonardo DiCaprio will look fourteen years old forever.

What is up with Laura Linney's hair? Why would you try to make yourself look like you have a mohawk? Her dress is pretty but I wish she'd wear a more vibrant color. The necklace is weird. It hangs too low for that neckline.

What in God's name is Hilary Swank wearing? Her dress is horrible. Horrible. The back is nice but oh, the front is so bad. Why is she wearing that? Chad Lowe is so cute. He sort of looks like Billy Boyd's older brother. They should make a movie together.

Scarlett Johansson always looks beautiful. She's so very old Hollywood. A class act.

Drew Barrymore. I have always loved her, and she looks amazing. Her hair is a beautiful color and she always looks like she has an occasional cookie, which is refreshing.

Joan is with Virginia Madsen and there was the most embarrassing moment while Joan caught up on who the hell Virginia was...while Virginia was standing right there. She looks beautiful. Lots of beautiful dresses tonight, lots of dark, classy gowns.

Cate Blanchett is wearing yellow with a scarlet sash and it is lovely. Very different.

Oh, Natalie Portman. Please get a better stylist. You are so beautiful; why do you dress so horribly at awards shows?

Okay! The pre-show is over. I'm going to post this and then I'll do the Oscars themselves!